Put Your Fist Up

Since my childhood I could remember my dad, telling me what it meant to be a man. I remember him telling me that being a man meant not taking crap from anyone, being strong and courageous, and most importantly to not show weakness. He went on to say the greatest weakness of a man are his emotions. Now to clarify, all of this was before my family knew Christ, and it was what had been taught to my dad, he was just passing it down. Nevertheless, my dad told me that emotions were a sign of weakness. That sucked super hardcore because growing up I was a very emotional kid. I mean seriously, I would cry at just about anything. So growing up I couldn’t help but feel weak. I couldn’t be a man, my tears kept getting in the way. This continued for some time, I was an emotional wreck. I found myself digging my hole deeper. Constantly being in and out of relationships, becoming too attached to people, seeking attention from the wrong people. Then there came a day where I got sick and tired of it all. I wanted to be man. I started to desensitize myself, replacing love and compassion with apathy. I stopped caring about everything. I thought to myself if I wasn’t so emotional I wouldn’t end up getting hurt. It was time to finally be a man. I was cutting good people out my life, just because I wanted to be a man. I had this mentality that caring less was the right way, the manly way. I’m gonna take a good guess and say most of you men and maybe even women have some idea of what I’m talking about. I was tired of my emotions leading me to pain, I wanted to be able to say that I was a man. I tried to fix things on my own without consulting God and this made things even worse. I was just harboring more pain and was getting further away from being a man. Later on I found myself yet again unhappy with my life. Being a man wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. This time around I talked to God about it. Once again I cried but this time it was before God. I cried out to God and asked Him to help me fix my brokenness instead of running away from it. It’s been long since then but to this day I continue to ask God to make me into the man He wants me to be. It’s not easy, but I can feel it. The new man rising within me, the man God intended me to be. 
 

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4 thoughts on “Put Your Fist Up

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