BAM! The sound of my head hitting a low hanging fan in a box stall. A shovel and bucket full of horse manure are thrown into the air as a string of profanities come pouring out of my mouth. I taste the hate. I see the red. I feel the anger pounding and burning throughout my whole body.
Deep breath in.
Deep breath out.
I just stood there breathing and calming down. That bang to the head hurt, so I got angry. I screwed up. I “sinned”.
I was at a Christian camping ministry. Working on helping people find a little bit of Jesus. I was at the end of a long day of work. I was all pumped up about doing good stuff, but that burst of anger that just came out, it ruined it. I felt like garbage. Worse than garbage. Like a hypocrite. Like a garbage hypocrite.
That anger came out of me. I didn’t want to throw stuff, I didn’t want to yell a bunch of obscenity. I felt like I had just undone all the “good work” I had done that day. But that doesn’t make any sense. Doing something bad doesn’t “undo” something good. In some instances it may tarnish or harm the perception of the good. But it’s impossible to go back in time and actually undo something. Good or bad.
So again, why was I so upset?
I was working for Jesus.
Don’t work for Jesus.
Jesus never asked you to work for Him. Jesus did just the opposite. Jesus said, “Let me do the work, you just believe.”
Now, am I saying ministry jobs are pointless?
Of course not. Ministry is my full time job. As far as I know it always will be.
So how does one do ministry without it becoming simply “working for Jesus?”
It’s not changing tasks. Later in life I did the same exact tasks at this ministry in a way that was much healthier.
It’s not about task, it’s about spiritual understanding.
In order to stop working for Jesus, we have to understand what Jesus really wanted us to do well on earth.
That really isn’t that hard to find out. Jesus wants to love us, so our job is simple; let Him.
When we do this we stop worrying about working as hard as we can. We stop worrying about trying to live up to the person of Jesus. We stop worrying about making mistakes.
Instead we start believing Jesus.
Time and time again Jesus made it clear that He has the whole good works and sin thing covered.
Remember on the cross, what Jesus said?
“It is finished”
Did Jesus mean it will be finished after you build some low-income housing?
Did Jesus mean not until you give away 25% of your income it is finished?
Or, did he mean what he said.
“It is finished”
I want to be clear. Good works are just that. Good. Do them. But not out of fear or as some way of trying to earn what has already been given.
This is my heart for you today. When you screw up, when you fall down, when you throw a bucket of horse manure into the sky and scream in angry pain, remember this simple truth.
“It is finished.”